1. 25 April 2011 · 10:42 PM ·

    I have an interview for an internship tomorrowww.

    I’m a little nervous.  A little anxious.  There are 20 applicants, and eight or 10 will be hired.  I’ve got the very first interview, so there’s a primacy effect going for me.

    I really really want to get hired.  I’ll be working with the jr. high staff at my church, who I’ve been volunteering with for the past seven years.  My time with them means so much to me, which is something I hope I can effectively express in the interview.  I’ll be studying child/adolescent clinical psych in grad school, assuming I get the program I want at the school I want.  The internship would sort of help me get into any sort of youth-related graduate program.

    I feel like any/all career goals I have now have only ever fallen into my lap as a joke, or out of convenience.  But they’re things I’ve grown really passionate about.  I mean, if I were God, that’s how I’d guide someone like me.  Someone whose life is more or less the punchline of a 21-year-long joke.  I’m going into clinical psych because my uncle received the wrong diploma when he graduated college.  According to the diploma, he earned a masters in clinical psychology.  According to life, he has no interest in pursuing the field, he’s never taken any classes for it, and his school is apparently pretty unorganized.  My at the time 10-year-old sense of humor thought the situation was hilarious, so I joked I wanted to be just like my uncle, and get a psych degree because look how easy it was for him!  Well look at me now.

    Also, volunteering with middle school students.  Initially, this wasn’t even something I wanted to do.  My mom was a volunteer when I was in 8th grade, then I graduated jr. high, and just stuck around with her because I didn’t want to go sit through actual church in the morning.  But because of good leadership, spiritual growth, and just getting older, I found it was something I really do enjoy doing (volunteering with middle schoolers), and something I’m good at.  Presently, I’m really really in love with this ministry.  If it weren’t for them, I would not have the graduate education plans I have now.  

    Initially, I felt really confident about getting the internship because of all the time I’ve spent with that ministry, and all the things I’ve done with them.  But I’m getting more and more wary because maybe I can’t give a good interview, or maybe they only want people who are going into youth ministry professionally, or maybe I’m just not as awesome as I think I am.  However, maybe that’s not the case.  And maybe fearing it is will mess up my interview tomorrow morning, and as much as my whole heart is dedicated to this pursuit, my worried state will suggest otherwise.

    If this is something that is supposed to happen in my life, it will.  If not, something else.  Worrying about the future is always fruitless because whatever happens is whatever happens, which is more or less unchangeable.

    I haven't talked to you guys in a while; this is what you get.